Password Incorrect

Rhoda Fox

‘Sally can you come and help me.’

Sally sighed and put down her paintbrush. It was always the same whenever Tim tried to do anything even slightly complicated on the internet.

‘What’s up?’

‘It’s saying my password’s incorrect. I always use the same one, so I don’t forget it.’

‘Often you have to change them. What would you have changed it to?’

‘I just add another number.’

‘Well do that and see what happens.’

[Password Incorrect]

‘Have you left the caps lock on?’

‘Oh shit, yes’

‘Well try again’

[Password Incorrect]

‘Add the extra number.’

[Password Incorrect]

‘Right go to that bit where it says what to do if you forget your password.’

‘It’s asking security questions. What was the name of your first pet? Did you fill it in, or did I?’

Sally wasn’t technology minded, but her knowledge was marginally wider than Tim’s, and her typing much faster, so she sometimes helped him to set things up.

‘I can’t remember, but my first pet was called Nefertiti, so I don’t think I’d’ve used that. Not even sure I can spell it. What was yours called?’

‘Woof.’

‘Woof! What kind of a name is that!’

‘Well I was only three, and he was a dog obviously, and when we got him my mum said “What’ll we call him,” and I said “Woof” cos that’s the noise dog’s make. Mum was very laid back with us as kids, so the name stuck.’

‘Didn’t people laugh at you in the park, when you called out “Woof, heel boy?’ Sally giggled.

‘Very funny. I was too young to remember. He was a rescue dog and died when I was six. Anyway you can talk. Nefa… what was it?’

‘Nefertiti. She was an Egyptian Queen, and because the Egyptians worshipped cats, that’s what mum called our first one.’

‘Well, I can’t imagine shouting “Nefertiti” out of the back door at night. Anyway, back to this. Shall we try Woof?’

***

Back in Password Security two of the three gremlins were in hysterics.

‘Woof! Not the best, but right up there,’ said Gremlin 3. ‘You really do get some quality answers with first pet,’ he chortled.

‘I don’t think that’s the point. It’s meant to be something easy for people to remember,’ said Gremlin 1.

‘Well asking for your mother’s maiden name isn’t very helpful. What if you’re adopted or you’ve two mums in a lesbian relationship. Which one do you pick? Or, come to think of it, if your mother never married at all. Her name would be the same as yours. How secure is that?’

‘That’s why I opted for last school,’ added Gremlin 2, ‘but they come up with such boring answers I’m thinking of changing it to where you first had sex.’

‘But, as our pedantic friend would likely point out, what if you’ve never had sex?’ Gremlin 1 said. ‘Or were too drunk to remember. I really think it’s about time you two took this seriously and thought of something useful. What about memorable place?’

‘I had that to start with,’ said Gremlin 2, ‘but discovered what was a memorable place one year is not so memorable a few years later. Had some great ones though – Alture VII a Star Trek Planet – but of course some time later the guy couldn’t remember which of the planets he’d picked! Someone else picked Trogir in Croatia – obviously had a holiday there – but it couldn’t have been that memorable, as they tried every holiday destination they could think of until the system locked!’

‘I think I’ll stick to first pet, thank you. Most people remember them, although I’ve just blocked “Woof”. At least it keeps me amused. Hang on there’s another coming through. “Nefertiti”. Who the fuck calls an animal that? ’